So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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