I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
