So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
And then he peed in my hair
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