i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
