If i come over, it means nothing
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
