I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
