You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yo dont text me then not text me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
