Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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