Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
