i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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