So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
