i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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