just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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