i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
