yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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