Already got asked if we're dating
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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