I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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