Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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