i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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