I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
