i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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