how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
