Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
