i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
