I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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