Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
