He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
