A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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