i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
