my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We left the knife in your bed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
