if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm sobbing to NWA
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
