Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
