yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
