i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
