My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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