just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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