Don't make out with my wife yet
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
