Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
