Well apparently he's into motor boating.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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