booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
there is another microwave in the elevator.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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