Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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