Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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