I heard we made out
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Drake has all the answers
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
