she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
