If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
