You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
