Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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