that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
