I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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