I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
