No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
