is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
