All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
