You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
