I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize