My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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