just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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