I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
