So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
