Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
