theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
