I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
