all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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