Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
