I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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