If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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