i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
