There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am midnight drunk by noon
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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