Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
