we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
