P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize