i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
birth control should be required to get into college
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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