My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
