It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
